I thought it was long overdue for another installment of The Top Four Things I learned in the last year. Some of it is even a repeat from my last time back in 2015. Learning lessons almost takes a few tries right? And how those life lessons have so many variables and can be ongoing process.
The First Lesson of 2016, I want to share actually came into my life in the end of this year. As One of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz classic self-help book of the same title. I read it many years ago and most of it's lessons have left a lasting impression. Though the least of them for me back in the day was DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS and NOW it makes the most sense...
“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”
The situation that occurred, I obviously don't want to go into great detail out of respect for the person involved. But, in this situation I attempted to take the high road and do as Ruiz says,
“The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are as clear as you can be.”
The answers I received from said person were defensive, reactive and hurtful. But, I walked away knowing that I asked my questions. Yes, I wish in hindsight I had gone about it not over text but in person. And too not allow 'poison' of my words enter the dialogue as well. I am so grateful for this learning lesson and fully acknowledging the part I played and hope someday the other individual will too learn to not make assumptions as well. Yes, Sorry's were said and I felt this person's was vague, non-committal and just doing the 'right thing'. But, again anytime this hurtful experience crosses my mind. I always remind myself to NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. I am also so grateful for my best friends wisdom on this as well and taking the time to discuss the matter with me through all the emotions and doubt. What are Assumptions you make?
Old Ways Won't Open New Doors. I found this one via Pinterest and it resonated with me on so many levels. But, what it truly brought to mind is my need to not being so reactive and cutting people and circumstances out of my life as a punishment to them or even myself. This is not the healthiest way to deal with things. I learned this trait from my Mother and not a positive legacy I want to carry on or someday teach a child of mine. Old Ways like Reactivity never open New Doors to healing. What are some Old Ways that hinder you from Opening new Doors in your life?
This was a Biggie in my last post and I still carry this lesson with me... How to be Awesome Part 6: Invest in People, who invest in you. Again we all have people in our lives that take, take, take or how I recently learned that we only serve a purpose as a distraction for a time being. It is heartbreaking to love and care about someone to find you only have a purpose in their life for a season. Their investment in you is selfish and fleeting. This is when letting go others go is OK. It is a fine line to what I spoke about above. But, if someone continually drops and brings you into their life for their own selfish purposes. It is time to get off their self-serving roller coaster of a shit show and move one. Invest in the People who Authentically invest in you.
Forgive Them Anyway. It is one of my favorite lines from a quote that hung in Mother Teresa's home for Children in Calcutta, India. And also close to sources very close to the Saint it hung in her own Room. It is based on a original composition by a Dr. Kent Keith, who honestly I am not too familiar with. Below I have the full quote and it has kind of become my unofficial manifesto in life:) I mutter 'Forgive Them Anyway' under my breath all the time. In a world where so many individuals walk around with no idea how they treat others. Instead of becoming filled with anger, I try my darndest to forgive. Easier said than done. But, I keep Forgiving anyway:) How are you reminded to forgive?
"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." -St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Thank you for spending the last year with me here at StoryboardC. I am so grateful for your readership and I look forward to what is to come here in my 10th Year of Blogging:)
Happiest of New Years to you. Love, C.