In honor of losing 50 lbs. I thought I would share a little before and in the process:) photos. I was inspired by one of my besties Amy over the last weekend. We had a conversation about if she had noticed any changes. I of course notice in how my clothes are becoming looser. But, also I look at myself everyday as Amy sees me very frequently. So, It is hard to tell. We kind of shrugged our shoulders and went onto the next topic of conversation. Then on Sunday I thought what the heck might as well take a pic and did a little comparison.
Wow! I was shocked. Yeah 50lbs does make a difference. Even in the way I carry myself. I am wearing the same good old white t-shirt and I can't believe how loose it is:) And my double chin is on it's way out of town:) The black pants I was wearing now swim on me and I only wear them now if they are my last choice:)
So, In honor of 50 pounds lost. I thought I would share the photos with you. Let me tell you... I am a pretty modest person and in general am not one to focus on how I am looking, but how I am feeling on this health journey. But, the photos do tell a lot:)
In the book that really helped place the seed of possible change A Course in Weight Loss. Author Marianne Williamson mentions the power of writing letters to the Before self as a way to connect. So, after digesting the change that has occurred thus far on my health journey. I wrote this:
Dear Before,
Do you remember that first week in June? When you began implementing all those health and inspirations into real change. You had done the emotional/spiritual work throughout the winter/spring. Taking those first steps... finding hope in yourself again and the possibility that change could happen through the pages of this book. Then you mustered up the courage to go to the Doctor to finally face reality of what you fearfully expected- the very real diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol. Remember soon after going to that Lap-band surgery informational meeting at the hospital. Being terrified of having the surgery and sitting in the parking lot praying to God with every ounce of your being that he would help you do it without surgery. He answered. The next day you received a e-mail in response to the letter and photos you had "forgotten" that you sent to the casting of the show on A&E Heavy for season 2. Hope finally came into your vocabulary that night again. You soon embarked on filling out the long painful application they had requested as with filming a half hour video on you at this moment. This process busted wide open your denial, truly revealing what you had become over the years of emotional eating and weight gain. A person not living to your fullest. Just existing.
So, finally in June after the realization that no show was going to come and rescue you. You prayed again to God, "Please help me just to begin." He did and it was not easy. The first month was grueling. Exercise was exhausting and not any way enjoyable as you remembered. You started small. Only doing 15 minute increments of exercise. Your eating was even a harder battle. The emotional component was a bear. Working through it was like dealing with a kid having tantrums. You were so resistant to change. Remember that day after that walk? How you were about to throw in the towel. The cravings were ridiculous and the walk was like a torture of discomfort. Hot, winded and Frustrated. You fought with God and yourself in your heart. "What's the F-ing point. I am nearly a month in and I feel really no different except deprived and uncomfortable. What's the point to keep going?" You got home the apartment elevator was still out. You walked up those six flights. Taking your breaks as tears of frustration fell down your face. You finally reached the apartment and Ahmed was there. You cried to him for nearly hour and then exhausted laid down to take a nap. Remember waking up from the nap with the simple thought in your heart "Keep going? What do you have to LOSE?" Lose a lifestyle of mediocrity and frequent trips to McDonald's. Losing crappy food choices that is replacing Authentic Living. Losing a "Fat" Costume that doesn't match who you are on the inside. Losing out on being out of breath doing the most mundane tasks. Most of all losing out on being the best version of yourself for the long life you deserve to live.
Then a couple days later the energy came. Followed by the stamina. Then the boldness to try new things to help me succeed on this health journey. Weight Watchers Points Plus. Reading H3 Daily each morning. Opening up to my Online Facebook group and being accountable. Joining the YMCA and GOING:) Nourishing my spirit by going back to church. Enjoying the healthy process. Being accountable. Sharing and celebrating my milestones. Being in the moment. Finding patience with the scale and looking beyond what it tells me. Measuring success by how I am feeling and not by the weight numbers. Being kind and forgiving on those off days. Finally accepting the fact this will be one of the hardest things I will do, but the most rewarding.
So, BEFORE you have now become IN PROCESS:) Feels good right? doing something that less then a year ago you were almost convinced would not happen. But, it did and IS. Those thoughts and intentions are happening in real time. It is not a quick fix or some magic spell. It is hard, yet joyful work that is only really beginning. Keep Going. What do you have to lose? Love, C.
***yep that double chin is on it's way out:) Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement! It means so much to me on this healthy journey!!!!
