StoryBoardC

Answers.

I have not been feeling good for quite sometime. Blaming myself perpetually for my bad habits or lack of self-care when honestly I try my very best a lot of the time. But, I finally now have the answers and pieces to the puzzle to move forward. Despite the serious diagnosis, I feel a deep calm in knowing that it is not my fault and deep gratitude for all the amazing things I do have in this little life of mine to live for. Writing this post today even has more value knowing it is National Women's Day. As Women we have for so many years taken the Back Seat, but Our Voices Do matter. Our Stories do Matter and Our Health does Matter. A huge reminder that we do need to be the advocates for the many Women of the World that still don't have that Voice.   

Monday morning I awoke like any other day. But, things were still a little different after three clinic visits last week and no definitive answers to consistent swollen lymph nodes in my armpits and neck. Slight chest pains and tiredness. I also noticed my breathing worsening and any simple physical activity getting the best of me. Honestly I had secretly been dealing with this for sometime. It scared me, a cough that wouldn't go away. Not coughing just because I was sick, but a cough to push air I needed into my lungs. I chalked it up to smoking and being overweight. But, anyone that knows me in real time, knows that I had lost 100 pounds after being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in 2012. But, as of late I felt like I was still carrying around that weight again with how I have been feeling. Not good. Last week I even tried to go for a 20 minute walk and was so exhausted after getting back that I took a two hour nap. All huge warning signs that I couldn't shake. So, after Monday morning being so winded even after walking to the kitchen and downhill the driveway to go to work. I was really scared. My chest hurting significantly on my drive to work even as I was being sedatary. I decided it was time to go into the ER. Once at work, my amazing co-workers and assistant manager encouraged me as well to go in. They have been apart of this journey and have been so kind. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you! Thank you! Thank You.

Once at the ER, they got me in right away. Chest pains they take as no joke. After a couple hours and a Chest X-Ray. I was admitted to the Hospital for further observation. Initially they found my lungs and heart filled with fluid and initially diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. I will be honest this whole thing was very scary and I have a hard time allowing myself to feel that. But, I let me myself finally. I try to put on a good face, but all of this reminds me of how lonely I feel for not having my Mom around for stuff like this but the realization that I might not have her physically here, I have her in other profound ways. And the other beautiful souls that I call 'family'. Another reminder that I am not alone. Ever.

Time and Tests. The waiting game and the amazing care I was given. But, as anyone that has stayed in the Hospital. Knows it is nothing like home. It least there was the comfort and distraction of Old 70's/80's gameshows (As a kid when I would stay home sick I would watch them religiously) and Me TV  vintage sit-coms. Then when I was awoken in the middle night, I would pray the Rosary to Mother Angelica (the spit fire nun you probably saw on extended cable as a kid). Finally in the morning I was given a Sonogram and about hour after the Physicians Assistant came in to give me the news. I honestly was expecting a confirmed diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure. My great Nurse Joe had explained it was not as scary as it sounds. Healthy habits and exercise could strengthan my heart muscle over time.  But, instead it was Severe Mitral Valve Stenosis. Huh, what is that? It is narrowing of the hearts Mitral Valve (left one) and it is caused by an Infection called Rheumatic Fever- which is now very rare in the US, but more common in Developing countries. It is related to Strep Infections that go untreated. *Here is the Link to the Mayo Clinic's definition.  

After she left my Hospital Room, I went and stared out the window. Wishing there was a door to stand out and breathe some fresh air outside and get in the car and drive. But, instead I put my hand on the cool window glass and stared outside with some crazy little tears streaming down my face digesting it all. Wondering when the hell I had Rheumatic Fever. Laughing to myself when she asked me if as a child I ever lived or visited a developing country. Nope. But, I did recall from the age of 14 to 15 getting strep a million times and often not telling my mom. I also remembered a time staying at my Grandmother's house for twos weeks the summer I was 15 and getting awfully sick and chalking it up to the Flu. Maybe that was it... it didn't matter now. I have it and there was this calm that came over me. Finally after all those years knowing what had been progressing and that it wasn't my fault. So, don't get me wrong I am scared and Thank God for faith. I do have faith that it is in God's hands and his timing. I am so grateful to has listened to my gut and went in. I am grateful that there is a plan and health professionals to help me through this process. And LOVED ones (You know who you guys are, thank you for the texts and calls).

What Now? Well, after talking with the Cardiologist and begging to be released from the Hospital (I am at home now). I will be taking medications until my heart surgery will be scheduled. It is a planning process until then. But, my Dr. says I will feel like a new person when my heart Valve is replaced.  Honestly I am glad I have time to digest all this and really make the right decisions. I am sorry to write this in a blog post, but it truly helps me share with everyone I love. And as you all know writing helps me so much understand it myself:)

Love, Cindy

 

Every Frenchman Has One|Book.

Well, Hello March! It is so nice to see you again and wake up to a lovely dusting of snow. Perfect weather for writing inside and daydreaming about all things Paris. Originally I had planned to showcase this delightful book in my Just Now monthly series, but I decided this morning it deserved it's very own post and flat-lay photo with my Parisian inspired bateau neckline shirt that shall makes it's grand debut when Spring has officially sprung:) * P.S. I hope you don't mind a behind the scenes snippit of my crazy creative thought process's that manifests in photo form:)  

I came across Olivia de Havilland's re-released 1962 memoir last fall and couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time I would hit up my local Barnes and Noble, I would lovingly hold it and force myself not to cheat read it (it is a petit book and I could probably read it in one sitting) or buy it because I am on a strict saving plan for my own abode May 1st. But, I caved a week or so ago and am so glad I did. Each page has brought me so much happiness while also indulging my life-long Parisian obsessions. I am such a sucker for American's in Paris Memoir's (two of my other favorites if you would like to know are My Life in France By Julia Child and A Moveable Feast By Ernest Hemingway. If by chance you know of any others that I NEED to read be sure to post in the comments below).

I adored reading each little page of how Film Star Olivia de Havilland, a British born American moved to Paris after falling in love and marrying her second husband Paris Match Editor Pierre Galante (I have been familiar with Pierre for many years as he was the catalyst to orchestrating the legendary match of my Beloved Grace Kelly with Prince Rainier of Monaco. More on that love story for a future post). Monsieur Galante even was the inspiration behind the catchy title, Every Frenchman Has One. A reference to 'back in the day' Frenchmen blaming the Liver for being the culprit of ill health. I don't know if it is true to this day? *FYI: That subject will NOT make the cut for a future post here at StoryboardC. You're Welcome:)

Enough about Gallic Male livers and back to the book review:) I truly loved the wit and candor of her lost era of Mid-century Paris... Olivia did such a great job of painting that Paris portrait with her stories. The Myth of French Maids, how Frenchmen really feel about having a Mistress. Interesting discussion of French vs. American Bosoms-yes I said Bosoms:). The original House of Dior and being coiffed by the legendary Alexandre of Paris. Then Angry House Painters and decorating a Parisian home. So, much goodies packed into 147 page book and I only shared a glimpse. But, there were a few personal favorites that were even touching... finding a mutual love for my Favorite Saint (Olivia wasn't even Catholic, of course resided in one of the Catholic Cities beside Rome:) and discovering a new Style and Creative Icon. Mum's the word on that one:) A Faux Parisian never tells her secret inspirations:)

I do hope you too will check out this book. Especially also knowing that at 101 years old Olivia de Havilland still resides in Paris.

Happy March! Love, C. 

Winter Beauty|Eye.

I don't know if I should of titled this Winter beauty because my beauty routine is pretty much the same year around especially in the eye department. But, I thought it would be a fun post since my day job is in the Beauty Business and if you are anything like me... Simple, yet terribly chic;) You will love this mini beauty series on Keeping it simplified and classic with a twist (think Adele meets Grace Kelly and then goes out to dinner with Jane Birkin). Over the next few weeks, I will be sharing all that goes into my 42 year old self's routines of Eye, Lip, Face and Skincare. Emphazing my personal manifesto that Makeup/Skincare should 'Enhance not Overwhelm and should make you pretty happy in finding your own  Beauty Ritual.' 

So, first things first! I have a eye confession. Recently I finally found my last key piece to my own trademark eye look, thanks to my friend Jen who works for the lovely Laura Mercier brand. She introduced me recently to the personal joy of tight-lining (Here is a quick video tutorial from Laura Mercier). Perfectly aligning with my preference for a clean eye look (no eyeshadow or excessive liner just volumizing mascara and lightly penciled brows). It's my glam eye gig that naturally goes with a bright pop of color on the lips. Viola! The Cindy Look:)

My Five Favorite Eye products, plus a bonus one not included above begins with the (1) Trish McEvoy's Eye Base Essentials Brightening Eyeshadow Primer in Pink Bare. It's a eyeshadow and upper-eye brightener in one. I love how subtle it is, yet covers any darkness on my lid and how it wears all day. *The bonus Trish product I use right after is her remarkable Precision Brow Shaper in Natural (universal blonde). It is a perfect match to my brows and fills just enough. **If you are looking for it. Your gonna have to wait it seems to be backordered all over the place. (2) Next on my eye agenda is La La Tight-Lining with Laura Mercier's Flat Eye Liner Brush-Long and (3) Tightline Cake Eyeliner. I wet the brush abundantly with water and tap it in the cake eyeliner. My favorite everyday color is Black Ebony, but Jen initially showed me Blue Marine. It is a great other option for Blue/Greened eyed girls like myself. Then with the brush I gently "stamp" it on the interior of my top lash line. I never wear liner on the bottom lashes since reading Parisian Chic~A Style Guide by Ines de la Fressange. FYI: Most Stylish Parisian Women only wear Mascara and liner on the top. Once the cake liner is in place it is time for Mascara...and those three dots after the word mascara are loaded with so many choices:) *But, I will share my current favorite just in this post and save for a later date my top five (yes five or even more;). 

BEFORE we even get to my top choice in Mascara. We need to talk about something very 'serious', Mascara Primer/Base. Quite honestly I always thought this was a unneccesary step, but once I tried it. I am firm believer in the power of nourishing those lashes:) My hands down favorite is (4) Chanel Beaute des cils Nourishing Mascara Base. It seriously creates more length and depth to the lashes and I also swear that my lashes have become longer and fuller over time. I can even see them without mascara on. Now that is some testimony:) When applying it, I always coat the lashes until they are all white with the base and let it sit for a few seconds before applying mascara. It seems to create even more depth. Then once I apply the mascara I move onto the next eye. Repeat primer then mascara. Speaking of mascara, I again use Chanel. My mascara wants are volume, depth with a little bit of length. Since I don't wear full on eye makeup, I want my mascara to have a impact without being too Tammy Faye (click name if you are too young to know who she is;)(5) Le Volume de Chanel does just that in the impact department. I love how eye-opening and creates such volume with only a few strokes. The exclusive Chanel snowflake designed brush is indeed the secret. 

Overall my eye routine only takes minutes and I hope you enjoyed a peek into my favorites. Now do tell what works for you? Seriously curious:) 

Now the the next stop on the Winter beauty train will be Skincare. In the meantime I also want to know what you use? 

Happy Friday. Love, C.

The Top Four Things I learned in 2016.

I thought it was long overdue for another installment of The Top Four Things I learned in the last year. Some of it is even a repeat from my last time back in 2015. Learning lessons almost takes a few tries right? And how those life lessons have so many variables and can be ongoing process.

The First Lesson of 2016, I want to share actually came into my life in the end of this year. As One of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz classic self-help book of the same title. I read it many years ago and most of it's lessons have left a lasting impression. Though the least of them for me back in the day was DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS and NOW it makes the most sense...  

“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”

The situation that occurred, I obviously don't want to go into great detail out of respect for the person involved.  But, in this situation I attempted to take the high road and do as Ruiz says,

  “The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions. Make sure the communication is clear. If you don’t understand, ask. Have the courage to ask questions until you are as clear as you can be.”

The answers I received from said person were defensive, reactive and hurtful. But, I walked away knowing that I asked my questions. Yes, I wish in hindsight I had gone about it not over text but in person. And too not allow 'poison' of my words enter the dialogue as well. I am so grateful for this learning lesson and fully acknowledging the part I played and hope someday the other individual will too learn to not make assumptions as well. Yes, Sorry's were said and I felt this person's was vague, non-committal and just doing the 'right thing'. But, again anytime this hurtful experience crosses my mind. I always remind myself to NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. I am also so grateful for my best friends wisdom on this as well and taking the time to discuss the matter with me through all the emotions and doubt. What are Assumptions you make?

Old Ways Won't Open New Doors. I found this one via Pinterest and it resonated with me on so many levels. But, what it truly brought to mind is my need to not being so reactive and cutting people and circumstances out of my life as a punishment to them or even myself. This is not the healthiest way to deal with things. I learned this trait from my Mother and not a positive legacy I want to carry on or someday teach a child of mine. Old Ways like Reactivity never open New Doors to healing. What are some Old Ways that hinder you from Opening new Doors in your life?

This was a Biggie in my last post and I still carry this lesson with me... How to be Awesome Part 6: Invest in People, who invest in you. Again we all have people in our lives that take, take, take or how I recently learned that we only serve a purpose as a distraction for a time being. It is heartbreaking to love and care about someone to find you only have a purpose in their life for a season. Their investment in you is selfish and fleeting. This is when letting go others go is OK. It is a fine line to what I spoke about above. But, if someone continually drops and brings you into their life for their own selfish purposes. It is time to get off their self-serving roller coaster of a shit show and move one. Invest in the People who Authentically invest in you.

Forgive Them Anyway. It is one of my favorite lines from a quote that hung in Mother Teresa's home for Children in Calcutta, India. And also close to sources very close to the Saint it hung in her own Room. It is based on a original composition by a Dr. Kent Keith, who honestly I am not too familiar with. Below I have the full quote and it has kind of become my unofficial manifesto in life:) I mutter 'Forgive Them Anyway' under my breath all the time. In a world where so many individuals walk around with no idea how they treat others. Instead of becoming filled with anger, I try my darndest to forgive. Easier said than done. But, I keep Forgiving anyway:) How are you reminded to forgive?

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." -St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Thank you for spending the last year with me here at StoryboardC. I am so grateful for your readership and I look forward to what is to come here in my 10th Year of Blogging:)

Happiest of New Years to you. Love, C.

 

Happy is...

A good strong cup of French Roast. Receiving a hand-written letter in the mail. Laughter until it hurts. A prayer you never imagined would be answered. A fresh snowfall. Meeting a new friend that has the same creative interests as you. Running errands with your best friend. Doing Laundry and hand washing dishes. A afternoon drive. Writing Morning Pages. One good Mexican Martini, not 4:) Praying the Rosary. The color yellow. A good font. A down feather comforter. Bunnies coconut cake. Yarn Pom Pom's. Stripes. Anything Parisian. A good Biography or self-help book. A long car drive. Memory keeping. Afternoon solo matinee. Newt's Burger. Waldo's Pizza. The selfless kindness of others. A smile. A dozen Yellow Roses. Forgiveness. Good Mid-Century Design. Vintage game shows. Music on a record player. Cheese Grits. Breakfast sandwiches. Softi's with Jill. My Father's voice. Spanish Moss on ancient Live oak tree. Bicycle ride. Window Shopping with Justin.  Volvo's. Halloween. Easter. Theology. History. Jesus, Mary and the Saints. Podcasts. Documentaries. G-2 pens in bold. Target. A Minnesota Summer evening. Friends. Sitting in John's garage watching PBS. Falling asleep with someone next to you. Authentic Friendship. Love.

Now what is your happy? 

Love, C.